A move-most people experience a few of those in their lives. I have in fact experienced more than a few. Saturday I packed up all of my belongings and set off on the 20th move in my life. For anyone, that might seem like a lot, but as I am 28, this seems especially daunting. Many of the moves I experienced as a kid were for family reasons. However, post college, I seem to have continued this trend. Some people call me adventurous, others think I am flighty. I can see both angles. If I am honest, I do not think I would have chosen a somewhat nomadic life, yet I fully believe God has purposed all of my steps and stops. That doesn’t mean I don’t wrestle with all these changes. I am convinced that God wanted me to move back to Des Moines this past weekend, but yet I am still on the job hunt. I have applied for various jobs in schools, hospitals, businesess corporations and more. I am still clueless as to what the next chapter in life will look like. I have moments where I question all the moves in my life. This week has not been my favorite; I tend to forget that the first few weeks after a move are usually the worst. Nothing is normal or familiar, and I probably end of spending a little too much time on my own, but in some ways that cannot be helped.
God in His kindness and patience had me in Matthew 19-20 today, and two particular things stood out to me. The first is the story of the rich young ruler. Jesus was trying to help this man break free from an identity found in money. Now I do not have great wealth, but more often than not I find a lot of worth in what I do. Having a job is essential! Yet in this season of waiting, I think God is trying to help me see in a deeper sense life is not so much about my job. I have been a teacher and a ministry worked in various forms, but now God is directing in a new way, and that really is ok. My identity is that I am a beloved daughter of my Father. When I am secure in that truth (a daily battle), my job or relationship status or future plans do not hold an anxious weight. I have the privilege to pray through those unknowns, to even dream because God has greater power and imagination than I ever could (Eph.3:20) but I also have freedom to not be married to those dreams. More likely than not, life will not turn out like I think, both in blessings and trials. My identity remains in Christ, and that allows me to be adventurous in a Gospel-driven manner.
The other part of Matthew 20 is the parable of the vineyard workers. Different laborers start working at different times, and yet they all get paid the same. The laborers who have been there all day grumble (as would I). Still, the response of the vineyard owner strikes me at the heart.
Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?
As I read this, I also thought of C.S. Lewis’s The Horse and His Boy. The main character Shasta was asking Aslan about Aravis and what would happen to her. Aslan simply responded “No one is told any story but their own.”
God is my Master, my Father, and my Dearest Friend. I wish I followed Him more faithfully, but today I am thankful I am His. I trust He has the whole future worked out, plus I already know the best part- the end! One day I will be home with Him and never have to move again. That truth holds a special place in this traveling heart of mine.