I have been mulling over thoughts for the last few weeks, trying to figure out how to put into words all that I’ve been observing and feeling. I can’t quite figure out how to piece it all together, yet somehow I don’t think I am the only one in that boat.
But I’ve always found some solace and comfort in writing. I still remember being in first grade and telling my teacher Miss Kim that someday I would be a teacher and write a book. Bold goals for a six-year old. I am one for two on those goals currently (hopeful I will get to that second one here someday).
For now I simply have thoughts on what God has been teaching me, thoughts on frailty, fear, and timing.
Within weeks our lives have changed, and I wasn’t prepared for that. Fear seemed to spread faster than the disease. I am grateful for the safeguards put in place to keep everyone healthy, but when schools and restaurants are forced to close, you know this is more than just the flu. Many of us had to rethink how we could do our jobs or church services within days. Our country, stable and prosperous for generations, is experiencing need in unforeseen ways. Friends are losing jobs, loved ones are getting sick, and businesses are closing. We all feel the weight of our frailty and face the reality of our fears, and we have no idea when this will end.
As it so happens, I’ve been listening to some podcasts on the story of Esther, and I keep pondering over what Mordechi told Esther. “For such a time as this…” She was in a situation she probably didn’t want to be in and was given what must have seemed like an impossible task, but her uncle reminded her of God’s timing and sovereignty. Yaweh had put her in that exact situation for that specific time in history.
So the question is, how does God want to use me and you in such a time as this?
I don’t have a profound answer. I am still asking and praying through emotions I don’t even know how to verbalize. And while there are looming unknowns in this season, this question has pushed me to remember what I do know about my Father.
- God hears and strengthens His people. “Oh LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; You will strengthen their hearts; You will incline Your ear.” Psalm 10:17
- God is bigger than any earthly force. “Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the LORD on high is mighty.” Psalm 93:4
- He holds my hand when no one else can. “For I the LORD your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the One who helps you.” Isaiah 41:13
- He cares about my life and sees every detail. “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.” Matthew 10:29
- He is always at work, even when I can’t see it or feel it. “Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
- I am His beloved daughter and can ask for help at any and every moment. “For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!'” Romans 8:15
As I finished my jog the other day, I could feel and see a storm coming. The wind hastened and the sky grew gray. The sight held beauty and fear, which in a way is how I’m feeling about life. I don’t know how long these dark days will last. I don’t know the depths of impact this disease will have on our country, our state, or even my family and friends. But like the budding tree, I see hope in the storm. My Father is still at work. The beautiful character of God is our steadfast hope in such a time as this.